Al's Crappy Day

The crappy day is an NFL tradition. Every once in a while, a star player like Peyton Manning will go through a day where nothing is working. It became evident early on Sunday morning that Matt Ryan was having such a day. Every time Red Zone cut to the Falcons game, Ryan was throwing another interception. He would give the ball back to the Cardinals three times in the first quarter alone, and five times for the game. But this wasn't really Matt Ryan's crappy day. No, it was Al's Crappy Day.

At every turn, things went wrong for the Tuwkila Southcenters. The Jets scored two rushing touchdowns -- both by backup Bilal Powell, not starter Shonn Greene. Arian Foster and Brian Hartline both fumbled. And Foster was unable to convert on multiple opportunities inside the five.

As the morning games entered the final half-hour, I decided the fantasy gods were telling me that a watched pot never boils. Instead of continuing to mope around the house, I went for a quick jog before the UW game. I returned to find that Atlanta had survived to win - on a rare touchdown by Michael Turner to the benefit of my opponent, the Sea Tac Smithereens. Chris went on to beat me 86-52. Just one Southcenters player, Felix Jones, scored double-figures.

Most stunning of all was the poor play by Ryan and Foster, who entered the week as the No. 4 QB and No. 2 RB, respectively. Even including their byes, Ryan and Foster had combined for at least 21 points each week of the season. Their average non-bye week was a combined 37.1, with a low of 23. On Sunday, they combined for eight points. Cue Daniel Powter:

A Message to KT on Injuries

The King is Dead

At the risk of offending the Fantasy Gods further, I feel like I must submit to their power.

Somewhere along the way, I started calling the “Coors Light Silver Bullet Boss Award,” the “Tristan Murder Trophy.” I admit this was a mistake Fantasy Football Gods. I admit that I had become overly confident in my fantasy football abilities.

For making this mistake I have had to offer Jamaal Charles, and Kenny Britt to the Gods for the season as well as Antonio Gates, and Miles Austin for significant chunks of time, AND Beanie Wells for last week. If you’re scoring at home 5 out of my first 7 picks have missed at least one of the first three games and the two of them are done for the year.

Basically, I get it. I get it fantasy Gods. I will no longer refer to it as the Tristan Murder trophy. I understand that it isn’t my fantasy God given right that I win every year.

Please spare me for the rest of the season. Please help Miles Austin, Antonio Gates, and Beanie Wells get healthy because your point is made.

Thanks,

Tristan Murder, owner of the Coors Light Silver Bullet Boss Award 2007, 2009, 2010 (Not the Lord Tristan Murder Cup)

The Strangest Waiver Claim Ever

Tristan: what did you think of my signings?

kevin: didn't look at them

Tristan: ph well

oh well

kevin: I like that the lingering conversation here is:
dude

kafka

Tristan: did i miss something?

kevin: that's what you said the last time we gchatted

Tristan: oh

yeah

i dont have that

but kafka was awesome

i was seriously hoping the seahawks had traded for him

i would forget about andrew luck

kevin: maybe next winter

he might have to start sometime!

Tristan: let me gloat

kevin: this is about Roy Helu?

Tristan: andd....

kevin: the Giants defense?

Tristan: oh yeah!

you know why?

kevin: because they play the Seahawks in two weeks?

Tristan: fuck yeah avocado

kevin: you're getting the jump on me by that much?

Tristan: im going to win that week because they're going to score a 30

seahawks going into ny

kevin: probably

but it is the Giants

Tristan: they scored a defensive touchdown this week

kevin: if I may quote their ESPN Player Card:

"This defense is injury-riddled and was routed by Michael Vick and Co. in their last meeting in 2010."

Tristan: mike vick aint walking thru that door

tarvaris jackson is

kevin: yeah, defensive touchdowns totally aren't random

those are very predictive

Tristan: even tough they might look the same to winger

kevin: *spoiler alert*

Tristan: oh

you havent wathced yet

what were you watching the big bang theory?

kevin: sadly, yes

Tristan: OMG

WTF

kevin: because if I accidentally don't record it it's harder to find

not on hulu

Tristan: I need to tell everyone

kevin: it's not because I like it better!

Tristan: wow

i dont even know you anymore

kevin:have you heard this?

http://socovibe.com/2011/09/childish-gambino-bonfire-cdq/

Tristan: no

kevin: you should

Tristan: spoiler alert!

kevin: I think it's the first time a major rapper has ever used Jollibee in his lyrics.

Tristan:i dont know what jollibee is

kevin: it's a fast-food restaurant in the Philippines

Tristan: i guess i kind of know that

kevin: there's one at Southcenter now

Tristan: yeah

i wondered what it was

actually

when i read its name

kevin: me too

Tristan: that sounded like EVERY other donald glover song

kevin:EXACTLY

3-0

FABULOUS!

Skee-Lo in the 206!

katie: did u hear skeelo was in marysville last night

Kevin: I heard he was going to be at Hempfest.

katie: oh

Kevin: It's disappointing he did not contact Tristan, who was formerly his Seattle distributor.

katie: hhah

Kevin: It is possible he did indeed try to reach Thagcode08@aol.com but got no reply.

katie: that is always the risk nowday
anytime you write an aol address
well i just wanted to make sure you were aware

Kevin: Skee-Lo is not very good at providing information about upcoming shows.
Latest tweet:I had a great show in El Paso Texas, now time to fly to the next state.

katie: lol
haha
does he not have a website

Kevin: he does, but there is no news on there.
ouch, 51 followers
that's a mere 2,800 fewer than me
I did not really envision in 1995 a scenario where I would be more famous than Skee-Lo.

katie: yikes
this is sad
little grynchy went to marysville to see him
he got a pic with skee-lo
http://twitpic.com/2gqblz
haha

Kevin: Skee-Lo looks like he's already been to Hempfest!

katie: haha ya
he kind of looks sad
i dont know if a a show where he performs would be awesome or just depressing cause the audience would only know one song
you would know five right?

Kevin: It's because he didn't release a follow-up to I Wish until 2001.
I know the whole first album.

katie: then it may actually be worth it for you
though im not sure how a hempfest crowd would react to skeelo

Kevin: wow
his name is misspelled
and he's only performing for 5 minutes!

katie: omg

Kevin: http://hempfest.org/drupal/lineup

katie: i guess the organizers were fearing the same problem as me
why does someone named andy allo get 40 minutes
and black sheep and skeelo 5?

Kevin: maybe he has a lot of weed-related songs?

katie: so the schedule you based on the weed songs in your catalouge... i get it
haha

Kevin: Afro-man has like 3 hours

Now this is Heartbreak -- A Tie!? We're Talking Bout a Tie?

We're tied. 24 points for Dallas Clark. I'm going to kill myself.

And it's not over.